Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
