My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
