I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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