you guys were way drunker than both of me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
