I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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