after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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