yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
