Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
