I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
