WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
