If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
