so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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