I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
