ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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