I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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