I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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