If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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