If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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