I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
