Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
