Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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