At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
