Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
