so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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