direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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