it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
