wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
