I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
