well I can't set my house on fire every night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
