why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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