i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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