Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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