Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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