My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
