No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
