My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
