she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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