Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
