woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
