he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have fence marks all over my body
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
