There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
