I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
