you have to choose: penises or morals?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
