eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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