dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
