There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
