I just saw a hot homeless man
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i dont even know how to be here
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
