I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
