It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
