I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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