I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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