take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
