Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
