her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
