I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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