I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
