don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
